i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
everyone is single if you try hard enough
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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