i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
