everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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