I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
