We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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