Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
