Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
