she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your penis caused this!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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