Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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