You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
