So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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