Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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