dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize