K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
