giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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