Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My balls are so social today.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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