he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
