I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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