Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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