Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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