Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
