I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we're so committed to being not committed
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