When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
