i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
