singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
