He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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