My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
