i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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