weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
