Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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