Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
