Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
