Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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