are you still at the devil's house?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
