First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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