It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
