I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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