In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize