I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
