DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
