Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
