There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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