So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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