so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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