It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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