I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
