I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
