I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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