Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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