Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
