haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
