My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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