we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
