where does the pee come out of this thing
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
