How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
