Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize