just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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