Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
don't judge my taste in strippers
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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