just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize