i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
