There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
