For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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