if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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