I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize