yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
