it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
