don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
