dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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