In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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