Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
