im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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