remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize