I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pants are for mortals
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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