I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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