it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
