Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
