Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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